Relationships & Communication, page 3
Friendship, love, family, conversation, social skills, persuasion. 171 links, newest first. Page 3 of 4.
Links 101 to 150
Weaving keeps conversations going with questions
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #159
Grab a word from their answer, such as 'camping', and add your story or trivia
Summary
Weaving keeps a conversation going by threading off a word from the other person, then asking a question.
Craig, who teaches conversation skills, describes weaving for keeping a conversation going. You take a word from the other person's answer and thread off it with your own story or trivia, then return to the start by asking a question and threading from that answer. He says this builds comfort on neutral topics, and it lets you steer the conversation toward the direction you want.
Key points- Grab a word from their answer, such as 'camping', and add your story or trivia
- Go back to the beginning, ask a question, and thread off each answer
- Stick to neutral topics first so both people feel comfortable and safe
Avoid conflict by not opening with accusation
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #157
'You always forget' invites defensiveness and turns the talk into a list of past examples
Summary
Most conflict can be avoided by not opening with an accusation, which pulls the conversation off topic.
The speaker claims 80% of conflict can be avoided by not opening with an accusation. In a dishes example, a request answered with "you always forget" turns into an argument about the trash, because accusations change the topic and invite defensiveness. Instead, they suggest waiting before getting angry, then explaining your own need and asking for help next time. The aim is a negotiation about the actual request.
Key points- 'You always forget' invites defensiveness and turns the talk into a list of past examples
- Wait, then once the task is done, calmly ask for help next time without anger
- Name the reason you need help, such as the house being clean before friends arrive
A good apology acknowledges, grows and agrees
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #155
The speaker credits Marshall Rosenberg with calling sorry a shame system
Summary
Saying sorry can work as a shame system; acknowledge the mistake, show how you will grow, and make new agreements.
The speaker argues against the habit of saying "I'm sorry," which they say can be a cop-out that makes people feel ashamed without changing anything. Citing Marshall Rosenberg's idea of "jackal speak," they recommend acknowledging the mistake, explaining how they will improve, and agreeing on new arrangements. A sample exchange shows a partner saying they were late, why, and that they will leave earlier next time.
Key points- The speaker credits Marshall Rosenberg with calling sorry a shame system
- Name what happened, why it matters, and how you will accommodate it next time
- Sorry gets worn out as a cop out, but a deliberate, sincere apology is still appreciated
How to Stop Saying Um, Ah and You Know
Read · hbr.org · 10 min · Issue #154
Noah Zandan's 2018 Harvard Business Review article argues that filler words weaken a speaker's credibility and distract from the message.
Summary
Noah Zandan's 2018 Harvard Business Review article argues that filler words weaken a speaker's credibility and distract from the message. Its remedy is to replace them with pauses, in three steps: pair each crutch word with a physical action, practice staying silent when one is coming, and rehearse more than you think you need. It suggests about one hour of preparation for each minute of presentation.
Vary your speaking rate to hold listeners
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #151
A rate that starts engaging turns unengaging once it becomes your default
Summary
Vary your speaking rate, since a steady delivery becomes a predictable pattern that listeners tune out.
The speaker argues that a steady speaking pace becomes boring because the brain predicts the pattern and stops listening. Speed up on less important points to show enthusiasm, and slow down when explaining something new or important. The rule of thumb is to go quickly over minor points and slow down for the key ones.
Key points- A rate that starts engaging turns unengaging once it becomes your default
- The brain predicts patterns and stops listening once it can guess what comes next
- Speed up to show passion and enthusiasm, the speaker says
Show up for depressed friends with low effort
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #148
Suggest a plan that needs no explanation, like making s'mores or cooking dinner
Summary
Show up for depressed friends with low-effort plans and presence, rather than asking how they feel or what they need.
The speaker says texting a depressed friend with questions about how they feel or with suggestions adds pressure. Instead, offer a low-effort plan for connection, like making s'mores or dinner together and watching a movie without talking. The speaker says depression is often loneliness with loss, aimlessness and hopelessness, and presence without pressure helps.
Key points- Suggest a plan that needs no explanation, like making s'mores or cooking dinner
- Being present, without pressure to explain or fix, can pull things in a new direction
- The speaker says much depression is loneliness with loss, and suggestions dig deeper
Keep integrity when you dislike someone
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #147
Do not lose integrity because of one difficult person, others see it
Summary
When you dislike someone, keep your integrity, since people around you are watching how you treat them.
The speaker advises talking to a disliked person as you normally would, since others are watching and the goal is to win them over. Stay neutral by keeping arms uncrossed, avoiding eye-rolls and projecting that their presence does not bother you. Keep commentary out and answer with plain facts, such as giving the meeting time.
Key points- Do not lose integrity because of one difficult person, others see it
- Go neutral: no crossed arms, no eye rolls, and a self-assured mindset
- Keep commentary at home and answer with plain facts, like the meeting time
Crash Course Business Soft Skills: Influence
Watch · youtube.com · Issue #146
CrashCourse's second Business Soft Skills episode explains what influence is, how to use it respectfully and how to protect yourself from its manipulative uses.
Summary
CrashCourse's second Business Soft Skills episode explains what influence is, how to use it respectfully and how to protect yourself from its manipulative uses. It opens with how con artists scam people, why people follow good or bad leaders, and how CEOs win better deals in the boardroom. The host is Evelyn, and the video is free to watch.
Smartphones from puberty weaken social skills
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #146
Millennials grew up with flip phones, while Gen Z got smartphones and social media at puberty
Summary
The speaker says smartphones from puberty have weakened Gen Z's social skills, and kids need time with other kids.
The speaker contrasts millennials, who grew up with flip phones, with Gen Z, who got smartphones and social media at the start of puberty. Gen Z spent less time in person with friends, which the speaker links to lower self-confidence. The speaker urges parents to limit phones and social media and to replace that time with in-person time with other kids.
Key points- Millennials grew up with flip phones, while Gen Z got smartphones and social media at puberty
- Gen Z gets together physically but stays on devices, the speaker says
- Parents should cut phone access and give kids things to do with peers
Selling Without Being Salesy: The Kind Way to Sell
Watch · youtube.com · Issue #143
Chris Do of The Futur argues that selling is not about pushing but about understanding, empathizing and providing value.
Summary
Chris Do of The Futur argues that selling is not about pushing but about understanding, empathizing and providing value. Based on a talk at the RGD Conference in Toronto, the video covers how competition changes on projects above about $200,000, his account of doubling business revenue in one year, and sales for introverted designers. It also covers conversational selling and identifying client pain points.
Answer with conversation hooks, not bare facts
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #141
Replying just Adelaide gives the other person nothing to follow up on
Summary
Answer questions with several conversation hooks rather than one bare fact, so the other person has threads to follow.
The speaker explains conversational threading: answering a question with several details, such as where you live, what you enjoy and what you create, so the other person has several topics to follow up on. A one-word answer gives them nothing to pick up. The speaker says this technique takes practice.
Key points- Replying just Adelaide gives the other person nothing to follow up on
- Add hooks such as living in the hills, valuing creativity, and creating content online
- Prepare answers with multiple threads so people can pick the one they like
Ask what is behind missed goals in feedback
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #139
Avoid a praise sandwich that hides the real problem
Summary
Open feedback by asking what is behind missed goals, rather than burying the issue in praise.
A speaker criticizes the sandwich method of praise, criticism, then praise, since people miss the point. Instead, open with a question about why goals are delayed and let the person diagnose the cause, such as poor time management. If someone reacts defensively, the speaker suggests naming the reaction, giving time to think or asking for a written response, and treating feedback as a mirror.
Key points- Avoid a praise sandwich that hides the real problem
- Open with a worry about delayed deadlines and ask what is going on
- Asking for reasons avoids blame and gives people a chance to explain
The CYA email problem
Short · instagram.com · Issue #139
A short item on the so-called CYA email problem, which refers to emails written to cover oneself .
Summary
A short item on the so-called CYA email problem, which refers to emails written to cover oneself .
Asking for eight minutes signals real need
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #137
The code text means I am struggling and need to talk
Summary
Texting a friend do you have eight minutes signals I need you, and the speaker calls being that friend a great honour.
The speaker describes a code text, do you have eight minutes?, that friends send when they are struggling. It means I need you, and the speaker says being the friend who answers that text, even in the middle of the night, is the kind of friendship they aspire to.
Key points- The code text means I am struggling and need to talk
- Eight minutes of holding space is enough to help someone feel better
- The speaker says they have few friends but are the one to text at midnight
Changing often costs old friends before new ones
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #131
Old friends tease you for skipping drinks and staying home to read
Summary
The speaker says people who change often lose old friends before new ones arrive, a lonely stage almost everyone passes through.
The speaker describes a stage of personal change where new habits set a person apart from old friends, who tease them, while the new friendships have not formed yet. The speaker says almost everyone who moved from where they were to where they wanted to be went through this lonely middle stage.
Key points- Old friends tease you for skipping drinks and staying home to read
- The gap between old and new friends is a lonely middle chapter
- The speaker names the phase but offers no fix
How Adam Grant Learned to Speak Up Through Advice
Read · thequietlife.net · 5 min · Issue #131
Susan Cain's Quiet Life newsletter post from December 2023 describes how Adam Grant, a self-described shy introvert, improved at public speaking.
Summary
Susan Cain's Quiet Life newsletter post from December 2023 describes how Adam Grant, a self-described shy introvert, improved at public speaking. He found that asking for advice works better than asking for feedback, because advice looks forward to what can be done next time. The post sorts responders into critics, cheerleaders and coaches, and includes an excerpt from Grant's book Hidden Potential.
Adding context to a no prevents worst assumptions
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #129
A bare no creates no narrative, so the listener invents one, often the worst
Summary
Adding context to a no stops others from filling the gap with the worst assumption.
The speaker contrasts a bare no with Unfortunately, I can't, which adds a frame. Without context, the speaker argues, people build their own narrative and often assume the worst, protecting themselves in the process. Leaders and partners should share their context and story so others do not fill the gap for them.
Key points- A bare no creates no narrative, so the listener invents one, often the worst
- Saying unfortunately, I can't gives context people understand
- The speaker says leaders risk letting others fill in the context for them
Three replies make them explain the joke
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #129
Say then be funnier if the insult was not actually a joke
Summary
Three replies to I was just joking flip the power, so the other person has to explain the comment.
The speaker offers three replies to an insult followed by I was just joking. Then be funnier points out that the remark was not funny. I'm surprised by that makes the other person explain and shifts the power. It doesn't sound like a joke, it sounds like an issue, then stay quiet. The speaker says this pushes people to own how they feel or start backpedaling.
Key points- Say then be funnier if the insult was not actually a joke
- Say I'm surprised by that to make them explain and reverse the power
- Call it an issue, not a joke, then stay quiet so they own it or backpedal
Ask what your ideal home requires
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #128
The couple asked what they wanted their house to feel like at the door
Summary
Ask what must be true for a home to feel the way you want, instead of arguing about the problem.
A speaker recounts how he and his wife moved out of a rough patch in their marriage by asking what they wanted their average Wednesday at home to feel like. They chose warmth and laughter, then worked back to the daily habits needed to get there. He argues success should be measured by the freedom a family defines for itself, not by milestones like promotions or book sales.
Key points- The couple asked what they wanted their house to feel like at the door
- Warmth, laughter and kids making noise were the goals, not a fight
- The speaker says success is measured by family freedom, not money earned
Specific compliments using a name beat generic praise
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #127
Replace you are a great teacher with a detail about attending each student
Summary
Genuine, specific compliments that use the person's name work better than generic praise, and should never ask for favours.
A short TikTok on giving compliments. The speaker recommends three habits: be specific instead of giving generic praise, use the person's name, and stay sincere rather than flattering. The speaker adds that a compliment should not be used to ask for a favor.
Key points- Replace you are a great teacher with a detail about attending each student
- Add the person's name to make the compliment more personal
- Compliments should be a gift, not a trade for favours
Corporate math makes good work mean more work
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #127
Booking 30 minutes, using 25, and giving back five still wastes the full 30
Summary
A satirical corporate math lecture argues that saved time is lost and good work simply brings more work.
The post shares five questions from a Reddit thread for judging a relationship. They ask whether being called like your partner would be a compliment, whether you feel fulfilled or just less lonely, whether you can be yourself, whether you love your partner as a whole or only their good side and potential, and whether you'd want a future child to date someone like them.
Key points- Booking 30 minutes, using 25, and giving back five still wastes the full 30
- Delivering ten projects on time and under budget leaves you with twenty
- Calls this corporate's first law of motion: good work equals more work
The 48 Laws of Power, Animated Summary
Watch · youtube.com · Issue #126
A 29-minute animated video from the YouTube channel illacertus condenses every chapter of Robert Greene's book The 48 Laws of Power.
Summary
A 29-minute animated video from the YouTube channel illacertus condenses every chapter of Robert Greene's book The 48 Laws of Power. The creator presents the book as a guide to recognizing manipulative tactics so people can protect themselves, and says he is not advocating ruthlessness. He describes Greene's approach as intense realism, meaning seeing situations as they are. The video is free to watch on YouTube.
Adding melody to speech makes you memorable
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #125
A 300-word page is hard to recite, while a 300-word song is easy
Summary
Songs are easier to memorise than pages of text, so adding melody to your voice makes you more influential.
The speaker asks viewers to compare reciting a page from a favorite book with reciting a favorite song. Both have roughly 300 words, but the song is far easier to recall because of melody. The speaker argues that influence requires being memorable, and that adding melody to your voice helps.
Key points- A 300-word page is hard to recite, while a 300-word song is easy
- Says influence depends on being memorable, and memorability comes from melody
- Recommends adding more melody to your voice as a leader
20 Tips for Becoming More Charismatic
Read · untetheredmind.co · 3 min · Issue #123
Alex Mathers's Untethered Mind post argues that charisma can be learned rather than granted at birth.
Summary
Alex Mathers's Untethered Mind post argues that charisma can be learned rather than granted at birth. It lists 20 tips in themes: keep things light, listen more than you talk, speak and move more slowly, say less and focus on fewer things, stay calm under provocation, and treat yourself as a perpetual beginner. Mathers says he was shy as a teen and now speaks on stages.
Perspective gives an edge over perception
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #121
Perception is your own unique interpretation, so it gives no advantage
Summary
Perspective, not perception, gives you an advantage, because you think like the other person and learn what they face.
The clip, titled as a CIA trick, names perspective over perception as the most useful spy technique. Perception is one's own interpretation of the world and is unique to each person, while perspective means observing from the other person's seat and asking what their life and feelings are like. The speaker says this approach helps win arguments and succeed in careers and sales.
Key points- Perception is your own unique interpretation, so it gives no advantage
- Imagine the other person's life, what they feel, and their stressors today
- The speaker says most people stay trapped in their own perception
A written list of concrete supports helps
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #120
The depressed partner typed about a thousand small ways to support them
Summary
Replacing vague requests with a written list of small concrete supports helped one couple break a depression loop.
The speaker describes a frustrating pattern in a marriage when one partner is depressed: the depressed partner cannot name what would help, and the other feels helpless. After 15 years, the speaker says they typed a list of about a thousand small supportive actions, such as helping finish a project or going to bed at a decent hour, and gave it to their partner to choose from.
Key points- The depressed partner typed about a thousand small ways to support them
- Examples included helping finish a project or going to bed at a decent hour
- Replying in writing avoided stress from misread facial cues
Join groups with eye contact and a smile
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #119
Skip hand motions, since eye contact and a smile signal you are coming over
Summary
Join a group conversation by making eye contact, smiling and nodding, then walking over and introducing yourself.
The speaker teaches a simple way to join a group at a party or conference. Make eye contact with someone in the group, smile and nod, walk over, and introduce yourself with your name and interest in the topic. Shake hands with everyone and you are part of the conversation. The speaker says no elaborate excuse or explanation is needed.
Key points- Skip hand motions, since eye contact and a smile signal you are coming over
- Say your name and that you want to learn more about the topic
- Shaking hands with everyone makes you part of the conversation
Fire on Monday and deliver bad news fast
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #119
A Friday firing leaves a weekend of misery with no time to start job hunting
Summary
Fire people on a Monday rather than a Friday, and deliver bad news quickly without lingering.
The speaker advises firing people on a Monday rather than a Friday, since a Friday dismissal leaves a weekend of misery and no time to start job hunting. For other bad news, warn people first, since people cope better when warned, then deliver it quickly, within about three seconds, rather than prolonging the moment. The speaker says to rip off the band-aid.
Key points- A Friday firing leaves a weekend of misery with no time to start job hunting
- Warn people first, since they handle pain better when they are warned
- Hesitate no more than three seconds, then deliver the bad news directly
The Physics of Relationships: Going Positive and Going First
Read · fs.blog · 3 min · Issue #119
Shane Parrish of Farnam Street applies Newton's third law to people: warmth tends to be returned with warmth and hostility with hostility.
Summary
Shane Parrish of Farnam Street applies Newton's third law to people: warmth tends to be returned with warmth and hostility with hostility. He recommends going first with kindness without expecting anything back, and describes four relationship types (win/win, win/lose, lose/win, lose/lose), arguing that only win/win avoids pushback. Pushback can arrive later, through withheld help or information.
Tell a child it was not their fault
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #117
Script: acknowledge the moments that felt bad and say they were not the child's fault
Summary
A sincere call to a child, admitting the bad moments were not their fault and offering to listen, can start repair.
A clinical psychologist describes an exercise in which you imagine a call from a parent, or finding a letter if a parent has died, in which they acknowledge painful moments from your childhood, say those moments were not your fault, and promise to listen to understand. The speaker says many adults have a strong reaction to the exercise and suggests a real repair could matter similarly for a child.
Key points- Script: acknowledge the moments that felt bad and say they were not the child's fault
- Promise to listen to understand, not to rebut
- The speaker says adults often react strongly to imagining this exact call
Answer rudeness calmly and ask for respect
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #115
Answer how long you have been doing this with your years and experience
Summary
When a prospect is rude, answer calmly with your experience and a clear request for respect, and they will usually soften.
The speaker describes how to answer a rude comment in a first meeting or sales call, such as asking how long someone has been doing the job. Instead of ignoring it, state your experience and results, say you care about mutual respect more than the deal, and ask if that is fair. The speaker says the other person usually backs down and becomes friendlier.
Key points- Answer how long you have been doing this with your years and experience
- Say you do not mind whether they buy, but want mutual respect
- The speaker says the other person backtracks and gets friendlier once you stand up
How to Get People to Love Your Idea
Read · fortheinterested.com · 5 min · Issue #115
A For The Interested article by EBenedict arguing that a good idea must also be communicated well.
Summary
A For The Interested article by EBenedict arguing that a good idea must also be communicated well. It offers six tips: start with a story, get to the point, focus on the stakes rather than the pain, sell results rather than objectives, keep the message simple, relevant, clear, vulnerable and unique, and admit when you do not know something.
Talk to Strangers. It Will Change Your Life.
Watch · youtube.com · 12 min · Issue #110
A Sprouht video from June 2022 argues that talking to strangers is a key skill for making friends and countering loneliness.
Summary
A Sprouht video from June 2022 argues that talking to strangers is a key skill for making friends and countering loneliness. It covers how not to approach strangers, the basic principles of starting a conversation and advice from strangers themselves. The sidewalk examples are filmed in Montreal.
Say yes, and instead of but
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #102
Saying yes, but negates the other person's thought, the speaker says
Summary
Replying yes, and instead of yes, but keeps a negative conversation moving in a positive direction.
The speaker presents a conversation technique: answer negative remarks with yes, and rather than yes, but. Yes, but negates the other person's point, while yes, and builds on it and keeps the conversation positive. The example is a client rejecting a product as too expensive, answered with a question about why, to keep the talk going.
Key points- Saying yes, but negates the other person's thought, the speaker says
- Answer a price objection with yes, and I would love to know why
- Positive phrasing keeps the other person talking instead of pulling away
Practise speaking by timing words to steps
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #95
The drill repeats one sentence with a stepping cue, like pressing a play button
Summary
Practise delivery by timing each word to a small step or movement, using one sentence repeated with a cue.
The video shows a speech coaching exercise in which a speaker repeats one sentence about growing up in Memphis, Tennessee, while adding gestures. The coach recommends a play-button step to time movement with words. A fixed stare and mistimed movements look awkward, while timed movement makes the delivery more convincing.
Key points- The drill repeats one sentence with a stepping cue, like pressing a play button
- The coach points out the thousand-yard stare and a need to look at the audience
- Each word is timed to a movement, since small details are what need mastering
Friendship is built with time, not money
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #91
One friend gives $5,000 for a moving van, the other spends a whole day helping
Summary
Time and energy are worth more than money in friendship, since those who give their time earn lasting loyalty.
Simon Sinek argues that time and energy are non-redeemable, so they are worth more than money. In his example, one friend gives $5,000 toward a move while the other spends the day packing and driving, and the second friend is the one a person would turn to later. He defines love as giving time and energy without expecting a return.
Key points- One friend gives $5,000 for a moving van, the other spends a whole day helping
- Six months later both ask for a favour, and you go with the one who gave time
- The speaker defines love as giving time and energy without expecting a return
Stop Asking Boring Questions: Do This Instead
Watch · youtube.com · 13 min · Issue #87
Charisma on Command's 2019 video argues that people often freeze around those they want to impress, which can matter for jobs, mentorship or dating.
Summary
Charisma on Command's 2019 video argues that people often freeze around those they want to impress, which can matter for jobs, mentorship or dating. It offers five techniques: asking questions beyond the obvious, using a question preamble, steering toward emotional topics, teasing playfully and disagreeing comfortably. Sean Evans of Hot Ones serves as the example.
Delivery can make empty talks sound brilliant
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #84
Says tone and pacing can make nothing sound like meaningful content
Summary
Vocal delivery and manner can make an empty talk sound brilliant, the speaker demonstrates with a mock talk.
The video uses a TED-style talk to show how vocal intonation, pacing, gestures and a personal anecdote can make a speaker sound convincing even when the content is thin. The speaker says he is buying time and building an apparent argument. The clip is presented as a lesson in presentation technique.
Key points- Says tone and pacing can make nothing sound like meaningful content
- Uses an embarrassing anecdote to break tension, then turns to a broader point
- Pacing, gesturing and changing tone create the sense of building to a moment
Parallel play as secure closeness
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #82
Examples: reading together, or one on a phone while the other watches TV
Summary
Parallel play, doing separate activities side by side, is a secure form of closeness, and secure partners explore more freely.
The speaker describes parallel play, where adults do separate activities side by side, such as reading while a partner reads, while still feeling together. The speaker calls it a favorite way to spend time with someone they feel secure with. The speaker cites research saying that secure attachment fuels exploration and independent interests, while insecurity narrows focus onto the relationship.
Key points- Examples: reading together, or one on a phone while the other watches TV
- Quotes a dependency paradox: secure attachment links to the drive to explore
- When partners feel unsafe, people develop tunnel vision about the relationship
Loyalty to people over values confuses midlife
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #76
Those who put people above values may find their life does not make sense
Summary
Being more loyal to people than to your values leads to a confusing midlife, the speaker says.
The speaker argues that people who are more loyal to others than to their own values may feel unhappy and confused in midlife, because their lives stop making sense. This can lead to a reset, which the speaker calls a Great Awakening. The speaker says they have never consciously cut anyone out of their life, and prefers to live in a way that lets others decide whether to stay.
Key points- Those who put people above values may find their life does not make sense
- Such people risk becoming part of a what-should-have-been life
- The speaker says he does not cut people out, but lives so they choose to leave
Pick a few core traits in partners
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #75
Says 50% end in divorce, 10 to 15% separate, and 7% stay unhappy
Summary
Tashiro argues only about 30% of Western marriages end happily, and that you should wish for just a few core traits.
The speaker summarizes Tashiro's book The Science of Happily Ever After. The main claim is that traits rarely change, and traits shown early in dating predict later behavior. The Big Five framework suggests seeking partners high in agreeableness and low to moderate in neuroticism and novelty seeking. The suggested exercise is to score past partners and yourself on each trait, then rank 10 wishes and keep the top three.
Key points- Says 50% end in divorce, 10 to 15% separate, and 7% stay unhappy
- Says traits rarely change, and early dating traits predict future behaviour
- Recommends choosing from the Big Five traits, not looks or wealth
Tit for Tat: A Strategy for Repeated Games
Read · fs.blog · 2 min · Issue #73
Shane Parrish, excerpting The Great Mental Models Volume 2, describes tit for tat, a game-theory strategy for repeated interactions: start by cooperating, then copy the other player's last move.
Summary
Shane Parrish, excerpting The Great Mental Models Volume 2, describes tit for tat, a game-theory strategy for repeated interactions: start by cooperating, then copy the other player's last move. Anatol Rapoport formalized it. Plain tit for tat can lock two players into mutual defection, so a forgiving version that sometimes cooperates after defection performs better. The takeaway is to start with cooperation and forgive honest mistakes.
Re-entering a conversation after interruptions
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #71
To your point is a cautious entry, useful when interrupted by a boss
Summary
Re-enter an interrupted meeting with to your point to add, or I need to finish my point to assert yourself.
The speaker offers ways to get back into a conversation after being interrupted, while staying poised. With a boss, a cautious entry such as "to your point" adds to what someone just said before you raise your own idea. For repeated interruptions, the speaker suggests saying "I need to finish my point" and continuing calmly, since others watch how you handle these moments.
Key points- To your point is a cautious entry, useful when interrupted by a boss
- I need to finish my point is more assertive, then continue calmly
- The speaker notes people watch how you handle these moments
Listen first to reduce conflict
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #71
Jumping to solutions suggests your partner cannot solve their own problems
Summary
Reduce conflict by listening first: ask curious questions and reflect feelings, not jumping to solutions.
The speaker says arguments escalate when one partner complains and the other gets defensive or jumps to a solution. Successful couples ask curious questions, such as how the partner feels or what was most upsetting, and reflect back the partner's feelings without agreeing with their conclusions. Offering solutions unasked implies the partner cannot solve their own problems.
Key points- Jumping to solutions suggests your partner cannot solve their own problems
- Ask questions like how do you feel about that, or what was most upsetting
- Reflect feelings back without agreeing with the conclusions being drawn
Open cold calls by admitting the pitch
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #69
Admit upfront that the call is a sales call
Summary
Open a cold call by admitting it is a sales call, asking for 20 seconds, and promising to hang up if it doesn't apply.
The video shows a cold call opening. The caller admits it is a sales call, offers a pitch, and asks for 20 seconds, promising to stop calling if none of it applies. The clip cuts off as the listener asks what the call is about.
Key points- Admit upfront that the call is a sales call
- Ask for 20 seconds and promise to hang up and never call back if none of it applies
Small talk helps you get promoted
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #67
Make small talk at the start of calls, meetings and even emails to know colleagues personally
Summary
Small talk builds the relationships that get you noticed and promoted, so ask colleagues and leaders about their lives.
The speaker argues that small talk affects promotion, because people who are comfortable with you, including leadership, are more likely to advance you. The advice is to make small talk at the start of calls, meetings and emails, ask colleagues about their day and weekends, and get to know leadership. The speaker says being good at building relationships matters as much as doing the job well.
Key points- Make small talk at the start of calls, meetings and even emails to know colleagues personally
- Leaders need to feel comfortable coming to you and trust that you get work done
- Ask about their day and weekend, and be genuinely interested
Persuasion starts with the other's view
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #66
Your first reaction is usually your needs, what you want, and who you are
Summary
The first principle of persuasion is to stop thinking of yourself and focus on the other person's psychology.
The speaker, drawing on Robert Greene, says the first principle of persuasion is to stop thinking about yourself. The usual first reaction is to focus on your own needs and identity, whether with a boss, a child or a spouse. Training yourself to take the other person's position and understand how they see themselves gets you a long way toward persuading them.
Key points- Your first reaction is usually your needs, what you want, and who you are
- Train yourself to think about how the other person sees themselves
- Stepping into their position is most of the way to being able to persuade them
Data Scientist on Real Dating Preferences
Watch · youtube.com · 14 min · Issue #59
A 2022 Modern Wisdom podcast episode with host Chris Williamson and data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, who uses big data to analyze dating preferences.
Summary
A 2022 Modern Wisdom podcast episode with host Chris Williamson and data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, who uses big data to analyze dating preferences. The description poses four questions, including whether women really want taller men, whether rich men make women happier, and whether younger women are more attractive.
Psychology tricks that make you likeable
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #59
The Ben Franklin effect: someone who does you a favor convinces themselves they like you
Summary
Small psychology tricks, like the Ben Franklin effect and mirroring body language, make people feel closer to you.
The speaker lists tactics for seeming more likeable. The Ben Franklin effect says people who do a favor for someone tend to conclude they like that person. The speaker also recommends mirroring body language to show empathy, and describes spontaneous trait transference, where listeners link the traits you use to describe others with you. The last tip, a wink, has no scientific basis according to the speaker.
Key points- The Ben Franklin effect: someone who does you a favor convinces themselves they like you
- Subtle mirroring of body language shows empathy and understanding, studies show
- Words you use to praise others get associated with you, called trait transference
Film your child praising food, replay later
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #56
Interview the child on camera about something they like, such as broccoli
Summary
Film your child praising a food they like, then replay the clip when they refuse it later, which saves arguments.
The speaker describes a parenting method: film a child saying they like a food they usually refuse, such as broccoli, then replay the clip when they protest later. In the example, the child gives broccoli a thumbs up on camera, and the parent later uses the saved video in an argument. The speaker says the method has saved a lot of time and conflict.
Key points- Interview the child on camera about something they like, such as broccoli
- Save the clip in your notes under the food and replay it when they refuse
- The speaker says this saved a lot of time arguing
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