Psychology, page 5
How minds work: biases, behaviour, motivation, emotions, research on people. 266 links, newest first. Page 5 of 6.
Links 201 to 250
Four excuses stop people keeping promises
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #101
Cites 25 people trying and 58 finishing a 21-day promise
Summary
The speaker claims four excuses stop people from keeping promises: pain, forgetting, lack of support, and self-talk.
The speaker cites a figure about people keeping a promise for 21 days, though the numbers in the clip are unclear. The speaker then lists four excuses that stop people: pain, forgetting, lack of support from a boss or family, and self-talk that calls the goal stupid. The speaker argues these excuses prevent people from becoming successful.
Key points- Cites 25 people trying and 58 finishing a 21-day promise
- Pain, including physical discomfort, is a reason to drop a promise
- Lack of support from a boss, kids or spouse is treated as an excuse
Coworkers lift or drag down your output
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #100
Cites a study of 58,000 hours across 11 companies
Summary
Your coworkers shape your output: top performers nearby lift it, and poor performers drag it down.
The speaker cites a study covering 58,000 hours at 11 companies, claiming that sitting within 25 feet of a top performer raises performance by 15%, while sitting near a poor performer lowers it by 30%. The speaker applies this to choosing a workplace and the people one spends time with. The study is not named in the clip.
Key points- Cites a study of 58,000 hours across 11 companies
- Claims sitting within 25 feet of a top performer raises performance 15%
- Claims sitting near a poor performer cuts performance by 30%
Play boss fights in short bursts, then sleep
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #98
Players usually do better on the first boss fight than on later tries
Summary
Study tactics apply to games: play a boss for 20 to 40 minutes, then rest and sleep so learning consolidates.
Dr. K, a psychologist, applies learning research to video games. He notes that players often do well on a boss's first attempt and worse afterwards, then recommends short 20 to 40 minute sessions with breaks, since sleep consolidates short-term learning into long-term memory. The speaker says this approach helped them beat a boss in Elden Ring within four or five days of half-hour mornings.
Key points- Players usually do better on the first boss fight than on later tries
- Short sessions let learning consolidate into long-term memory during sleep
- The speaker beat a boss in four or five days with half-hour morning sessions
Shorter waits alone may not end complaints
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #97
The airport invested millions and hired staff to speed bag arrival
Summary
Houston airport cut bag wait times to seven minutes, yet complaints persisted until it reframed the problem as waiting itself.
The speaker describes how Houston airport cut baggage arrival times to about seven minutes but still received complaints. Reframing the problem as the annoyance of waiting, the airport parked arriving planes farther from the terminal, so passengers walked more and waited less, and complaints dropped to zero. The speaker argues that over-optimizing a design can degrade the experience.
Key points- The airport invested millions and hired staff to speed bag arrival
- Reframing the pain as waiting, it parked planes farther from the terminal
- The speaker says complaints dropped to zero after that change
Expectations shape performance, so seek supporters
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #95
Rosenthal and Jacobson's 1968 study found teacher expectations changed student performance
Summary
Expectations shape performance, so believe in your abilities and spend time with people who want to see you succeed.
The video explains the Pygmalion effect, which the speaker attributes to Harvard psychologist Robert Rosenthal in 1968. With principal Lenore Jacobson, Rosenthal studied how teacher expectations shaped student performance: higher expectations led to better results and lower ones to worse. The speaker says the effect also applies at work, at home and to self-expectations, and suggests shifting one's mindset and spending time with supportive people.
Key points- Rosenthal and Jacobson's 1968 study found teacher expectations changed student performance
- Low expectations of yourself can make you underperform, the speaker says
- Ask yourself whether you spend time with people who want to see you succeed
Music's Power Over Your Brain, Explained
Watch · youtube.com · 8 min · Issue #91
Big Think's January 2023 video features Michael Spitzer, a music professor at the University of Liverpool, who argues that humans are musical animals whose relationship with music goes back millions of years.
Summary
Big Think's January 2023 video features Michael Spitzer, a music professor at the University of Liverpool, who argues that humans are musical animals whose relationship with music goes back millions of years. The description says music lowers cortisol, releases dopamine and helps people process emotions that are hard to put into words. It cites the Hurrian Hymn to Nikkal, the oldest known notated music, at over 3,000 years old.
Sunk costs push choices away from best outcomes
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #90
Walking ten blocks to a store you know is closed is a silly example
Summary
The sunk cost fallacy means choosing based on not wasting past investment, rather than on the best outcome going forward.
Big Think introduces the sunk cost fallacy with an example: someone who has walked ten blocks toward a store that turns out to be closed keeps going to avoid wasting that effort. The speaker explains that sunk costs are the time, money and effort already spent, and that the fallacy means choosing based on protecting past investment rather than on the best future outcome.
Key points- Walking ten blocks to a store you know is closed is a silly example
- Past time, money and effort are called the sunk cost
- The speaker says this pattern is surprisingly common in everyday choices
Stop Asking Boring Questions: Do This Instead
Watch · youtube.com · 13 min · Issue #87
Charisma on Command's 2019 video argues that people often freeze around those they want to impress, which can matter for jobs, mentorship or dating.
Summary
Charisma on Command's 2019 video argues that people often freeze around those they want to impress, which can matter for jobs, mentorship or dating. It offers five techniques: asking questions beyond the obvious, using a question preamble, steering toward emotional topics, teasing playfully and disagreeing comfortably. Sean Evans of Hot Ones serves as the example.
Dark times make joy more meaningful
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #87
Flowers turn toward the sun, and people turn toward where they get energy
Summary
Energy rises and falls like the sun, and the speaker says dark times create the contrast that makes joy meaningful.
Psychologist David J.P. Phillips compares people to flowers that turn toward the sun for energy. People shift direction toward whatever gives them energy. When energy drops, as at sunset, it returns with the sunrise, and he argues that dark periods create the contrast that makes good times easier to appreciate. The clip cites no study.
Key points- Flowers turn toward the sun, and people turn toward where they get energy
- Energy fades like sunset, but returns like a sunrise, the speaker says
- Dark times are described as the contrast that creates the chance to enjoy life
Tying yourself up to boost mood
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #86
Describes restraining himself in the bathroom before leaving for work
Summary
The speaker describes a routine for lifting mood. Each morning before leaving for work, the speaker ties hands and feet together with zip ties in the bathroom, then frees themselves. The speaker says the stressful contrast makes ordinary life feel good. The clip is a personal anecdote and cites no research.
Key points- Describes restraining himself in the bathroom before leaving for work
- Says the stunt is very scary and stressful
- Says ordinary life feels incredible once he is free
How to Live After Your Soulmate Has Died
Watch · youtube.com · 7 min · Issue #85
In this Big Think video, astronomer Michelle Thaller describes how she coped after her husband died of cancer in 2020.
Summary
In this Big Think video, astronomer Michelle Thaller describes how she coped after her husband died of cancer in 2020. She says science, poetry, art and literature helped her keep moving forward. The description suggests that grief may never fully go away, but connecting to something larger than oneself can offer a path through it.
Sometimes a worse situation beats a passable one
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #85
A friend stays in a job that is passable but not bad enough to act on
Summary
Sometimes a worse situation is better, since passable situations leave people comfortably numb and stuck.
The speaker describes a concept called the region beta paradox. Walking a mile is quicker than driving it, so a two-mile trip by car can beat a one-mile walk. The speaker applies this to tolerable situations, such as a passable job or relationship, arguing that a worse situation can push people to act, while an acceptable one leaves them comfortably numb.
Key points- A friend stays in a job that is passable but not bad enough to act on
- A relationship that is not abusive but not right keeps people comfortably numb
- The speaker argues worse situations galvanise people into doing something
Change Bad Spending Habits in 5 Steps
Watch · youtube.com · 7 min · Issue #83
Big Think's 'Your Brain on Money' video, produced with Million Stories Media, argues that many financial decisions come from habits that the brain runs without conscious control.
Summary
Big Think's 'Your Brain on Money' video, produced with Million Stories Media, argues that many financial decisions come from habits that the brain runs without conscious control. The description says about 40% of daily actions are habits. The video covers making habits visible, the neuroscience of habits and common good and bad financial habits, then five steps for building better ones.
Parallel play as secure closeness
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #82
Examples: reading together, or one on a phone while the other watches TV
Summary
Parallel play, doing separate activities side by side, is a secure form of closeness, and secure partners explore more freely.
The speaker describes parallel play, where adults do separate activities side by side, such as reading while a partner reads, while still feeling together. The speaker calls it a favorite way to spend time with someone they feel secure with. The speaker cites research saying that secure attachment fuels exploration and independent interests, while insecurity narrows focus onto the relationship.
Key points- Examples: reading together, or one on a phone while the other watches TV
- Quotes a dependency paradox: secure attachment links to the drive to explore
- When partners feel unsafe, people develop tunnel vision about the relationship
Pain, uncertainty and constant work persist
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #80
Stutz shows Hill interviewing his therapist about tools that changed his life
Summary
Pain, uncertainty and constant work cannot be escaped, the speaker says, after watching Jonah Hill's documentary Stutz.
The speaker describes a Netflix documentary called Stutz, in which Jonah Hill's therapist names three unavoidable aspects of reality: pain, uncertainty and constant work. The speaker says reaching goals like a degree or a full client book does not remove them, so the question becomes what kind of constant work you want. The speaker suggests checking whether a goal is chosen for enjoyment or to avoid pain.
Key points- Stutz shows Hill interviewing his therapist about tools that changed his life
- Hill says pain, uncertainty and constant work are unavoidable realities
- The speaker realised reaching milestones would not remove those three realities
Psychologist Debunks 8 Myths of Mass Scale
Watch · youtube.com · 31 min · Issue #80
Psychologist Todd Rose argues that collective illusions, shared false assumptions about society, have existed for millennia and are more common today because of social media and technology.
Summary
Psychologist Todd Rose argues that collective illusions, shared false assumptions about society, have existed for millennia and are more common today because of social media and technology. He disputes that most people want fame, wealth and power, and that the U.S. is irredeemably divided. His remedy is becoming a more authentic individual. The video is part of a 9-part series produced with Stand Together.
Big Five beats Myers-Briggs for rigor
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #79
The Big Five covers openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism
Summary
The Big Five is more rigorous than Myers-Briggs, which the speaker calls pseudoscience because its results change with mood.
The speaker argues that the Myers-Briggs test is unreliable, since the same person can get very different results depending on their mood that day. The speaker recommends the Big Five personality test, which measures openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism, as more rigorous. The speaker calls Myers-Briggs close to pseudoscience, citing low test-retest reliability.
Key points- The Big Five covers openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness and neuroticism
- Myers-Briggs has very low retest reliability, the speaker says
- Taking Myers-Briggs on Monday and Tuesday can give very different types
Fear setting on three pages
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #79
Page one: define the worst case, how to prevent it, and how to repair it
Summary
Fear setting uses three pages: worst cases with prevention and repair, benefits of acting, and costs of not acting.
The speaker describes fear setting, a pen-and-paper exercise. Page one has three columns, define, prevent and repair, covering the worst case, ways to reduce it, and how to recover if it happens. Page two lists the benefits of making the change, even partial success, and page three lists the cost of not acting, in columns for six months, one year and three years.
Key points- Page one: define the worst case, how to prevent it, and how to repair it
- Page two: list benefits of the change, even partial success
- Page three: list costs of not changing at 6 months, 1 year and 3 years
Lisa Genova: Nine Tactics to Strengthen Memory
Watch · youtube.com · 10 min · Issue #76
Neuroscientist and novelist Lisa Genova presents nine tactics for strengthening memory in this Big Think video, including paying attention, securing sleep, creating associations, using repetition, writing things down and self-testing.
Summary
Neuroscientist and novelist Lisa Genova presents nine tactics for strengthening memory in this Big Think video, including paying attention, securing sleep, creating associations, using repetition, writing things down and self-testing. She argues that occasional memory lapses are normal and that memory can be improved. The video closes with the point that forgetting is human.
Four reasons people finally change
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #76
Pain pushes people to change once it hurts enough
Summary
People change when they hurt enough, see enough, learn enough, or receive enough, the speaker says.
The speaker says people change in four situations: when they hurt enough that they have to, when they see enough that they are inspired to, when they learn enough that they want to, and when they receive enough that they are able to. The clip is presented as a short version of a longer leadership talk.
Key points- Pain pushes people to change once it hurts enough
- Inspiration moves people once they have seen enough
- Learning enough makes them want to change, and receiving enough makes them able
How Sleep Can Help Solve Problems
Read · slate.com · 5 min · Issue #76
Sleep researcher Kristin E.G.
Summary
Sleep researcher Kristin E.G. Sanders argues in Slate that sleep may help solve problems. She describes targeted memory reactivation, which pairs a learned item with a sound or smell and replays that cue during sleep. In her study, participants who heard cues overnight solved more brain teasers the next morning. Her practical tip is to think about a problem before bed.
Pick a few core traits in partners
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #75
Says 50% end in divorce, 10 to 15% separate, and 7% stay unhappy
Summary
Tashiro argues only about 30% of Western marriages end happily, and that you should wish for just a few core traits.
The speaker summarizes Tashiro's book The Science of Happily Ever After. The main claim is that traits rarely change, and traits shown early in dating predict later behavior. The Big Five framework suggests seeking partners high in agreeableness and low to moderate in neuroticism and novelty seeking. The suggested exercise is to score past partners and yourself on each trait, then rank 10 wishes and keep the top three.
Key points- Says 50% end in divorce, 10 to 15% separate, and 7% stay unhappy
- Says traits rarely change, and early dating traits predict future behaviour
- Recommends choosing from the Big Five traits, not looks or wealth
Tit for Tat: A Strategy for Repeated Games
Read · fs.blog · 2 min · Issue #73
Shane Parrish, excerpting The Great Mental Models Volume 2, describes tit for tat, a game-theory strategy for repeated interactions: start by cooperating, then copy the other player's last move.
Summary
Shane Parrish, excerpting The Great Mental Models Volume 2, describes tit for tat, a game-theory strategy for repeated interactions: start by cooperating, then copy the other player's last move. Anatol Rapoport formalized it. Plain tit for tat can lock two players into mutual defection, so a forgiving version that sometimes cooperates after defection performs better. The takeaway is to start with cooperation and forgive honest mistakes.
The 40 percent rule against quitting
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #69
The speaker attributes the 40 rule to Navy SEAL David Goggins
Summary
The 40 percent rule says that when you feel like quitting you are only at 40 percent of what you can achieve, so push further.
The speaker describes the 40 percent rule, attributed to Navy SEAL David Goggins, which holds that when you feel like quitting you have used only about 40 percent of your capacity. The speaker says the brain sets barriers to protect us from discomfort, so when you want to stop, hold on for 10 more minutes. The speaker suggests asking yourself each day how you can push further.
Key points- The speaker attributes the 40 rule to Navy SEAL David Goggins
- The brain sets limits through exhaustion or limiting beliefs to protect you
- Hold on for ten minutes longer, and ask how you can push further today
Resistance signals a dream worth chasing
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #68
The dream is like a flower opening, and resistance is the shadow it casts
Summary
The stronger the resistance you feel, the bigger the dream behind it, so resistance is a sign you should go ahead.
Steven Pressfield describes a rule he follows: the stronger the resistance to a task, the more important it is to do it. He compares a dream to a flower in sunlight that casts a shadow exactly proportional to its size, with resistance as the shadow. A strong feeling of resistance therefore signals a big dream worth pursuing despite the pain.
Key points- The dream is like a flower opening, and resistance is the shadow it casts
- A big dream casts a big shadow, so the resistance is proportionate
- The speaker says the more resistance you feel, the more certain you can be
Self-talk and posture shape your feelings
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #67
Racing thoughts can make your heart race, because brain and body are wired together
Summary
Your neurons also control your body, so self-talk and posture shape how you feel, and changing them can change your life.
The speaker says neurons serve several functions at once, so thoughts and language are wired to the body. A racing heart or a sense of anxiety can start from what you think, and a hunched or upright posture signals mood to the brain. The speaker advises noticing your posture and self-talk, since both shape anxiety and self-doubt.
Key points- Racing thoughts can make your heart race, because brain and body are wired together
- Shoulders back and smiling tells your brain you are happy and safe
- Check your usual posture and self-talk if you feel anxious or full of self-doubt
Justice builds a better world than revenge
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #64
Resentment is poisonous, since resentful people want to act but feel unable or afraid
Summary
A dialogue debates revenge and justice, arguing that justice builds a better world while anger signals that something is wrong.
The video stages a debate between revenge and forgiveness. One side argues that forgiveness mostly benefits the wrongdoer and that resentment is poisonous, since resentful people feel powerless. The other side argues that proper justice, unlike revenge, aims to build a better world, and that anger signals something wrong and should be channeled rather than repressed.
Key points- Resentment is poisonous, since resentful people want to act but feel unable or afraid
- One voice says the justice system channels injustice, though it is not perfect
- Anger is necessary, one voice argues, because it tells you when something is wrong
Kelly McGonigal on Strengthening Willpower
Watch · youtube.com · Issue #61
A video in which Kelly McGonigal, a Stanford doctoral student in neurobiology, explains simple exercises for strengthening willpower.
Summary
A video in which Kelly McGonigal, a Stanford doctoral student in neurobiology, explains simple exercises for strengthening willpower.
Chris Williamson on Why There Are Psychopaths
Watch · youtube.com · 7 min · Issue #60
A 2022 clip from Joe Rogan Experience episode 1851, with Chris Williamson as guest, posted by the PowerfulJRE channel.
Summary
A 2022 clip from Joe Rogan Experience episode 1851, with Chris Williamson as guest, posted by the PowerfulJRE channel. The clip addresses why psychopaths exist, as its title frames it, and the newsletter describes Williamson presenting interesting facts about psychopaths in society.
Data Scientist on Real Dating Preferences
Watch · youtube.com · 14 min · Issue #59
A 2022 Modern Wisdom podcast episode with host Chris Williamson and data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, who uses big data to analyze dating preferences.
Summary
A 2022 Modern Wisdom podcast episode with host Chris Williamson and data scientist Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, who uses big data to analyze dating preferences. The description poses four questions, including whether women really want taller men, whether rich men make women happier, and whether younger women are more attractive.
Psychology tricks that make you likeable
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #59
The Ben Franklin effect: someone who does you a favor convinces themselves they like you
Summary
Small psychology tricks, like the Ben Franklin effect and mirroring body language, make people feel closer to you.
The speaker lists tactics for seeming more likeable. The Ben Franklin effect says people who do a favor for someone tend to conclude they like that person. The speaker also recommends mirroring body language to show empathy, and describes spontaneous trait transference, where listeners link the traits you use to describe others with you. The last tip, a wink, has no scientific basis according to the speaker.
Key points- The Ben Franklin effect: someone who does you a favor convinces themselves they like you
- Subtle mirroring of body language shows empathy and understanding, studies show
- Words you use to praise others get associated with you, called trait transference
Ask who you admire, not like
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #57
Liking or respecting someone lets you see yourself as an equal
Summary
Ask who you admire, not who you like or respect, because admiration means aspiring to become more like someone.
The speaker, passing on a homework task from a mentor, asks viewers to consider who they admire. The speaker argues that admire is heavier than like, respect or inspire, because it implies aspiring to be more like someone and feeling somewhat subordinate. Respecting someone, by contrast, is seen as relating to an equal.
Key points- Liking or respecting someone lets you see yourself as an equal
- Admiring someone makes you feel subordinate, because you aspire to be like them
- Lists of who you like or respect can be robust, but admiration is weightier
If Your Attention Span Has Been Hijacked, Here's How to Take It Back
Watch · youtube.com · 5 min · Issue #56
A 2022 Big Think video by Dr.
Summary
A 2022 Big Think video by Dr. Amishi Jha, a psychology professor at the University of Miami. The description argues that attention shapes thinking, feeling and connection, and that because the environment holds more information than anyone can process, people should be deliberate about where they direct it. Some qualities of human experience can disable attention, according to the video.
Film your child praising food, replay later
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #56
Interview the child on camera about something they like, such as broccoli
Summary
Film your child praising a food they like, then replay the clip when they refuse it later, which saves arguments.
The speaker describes a parenting method: film a child saying they like a food they usually refuse, such as broccoli, then replay the clip when they protest later. In the example, the child gives broccoli a thumbs up on camera, and the parent later uses the saved video in an argument. The speaker says the method has saved a lot of time and conflict.
Key points- Interview the child on camera about something they like, such as broccoli
- Save the clip in your notes under the food and replay it when they refuse
- The speaker says this saved a lot of time arguing
Fantasizing about success can sap motivation
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #55
Dreaming of success releases dopamine as if achieved, so people move on to new projects
Summary
Fantasizing about success drains motivation, so pair the dream with obstacles and a plan, a method called mental contrasting.
The speaker, citing NYU psychology professor Gabriele Oettingen, says that fantasizing about success can make it less likely a goal gets achieved. Mental contrasting pairs the desired outcome with a list of likely obstacles and a plan for each one. The speaker says the method has raised goal completion by up to 60 percent, and suggests turning boredom into a challenge.
Key points- Dreaming of success releases dopamine as if achieved, so people move on to new projects
- Mental contrasting lists the desired outcome, the obstacles, and a plan to overcome them
- The speaker says the method can raise goal completion chances by up to 60 percent
How mindset shapes your life
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #55
A short video on how mindset affects life, using the milkshake study as an example.
Summary
A short video on how mindset affects life, using the milkshake study as an example.
How to Use Flow State to Do the Impossible
Watch · youtube.com · 6 min · Issue #53
A 2022 Big Think video with flow researcher Steven Kotler, arguing that peak performance comes from getting biology to work for us.
Summary
A 2022 Big Think video with flow researcher Steven Kotler, arguing that peak performance comes from getting biology to work for us. The description says psychology and physiology are linked, so people can pre-wire their brains to enter flow, an optimized state where they feel and perform their best. It also promotes a claim that flow can speed learning by 250 percent.
Stop Trying to Get It: The Backwards Law
Watch · youtube.com · 11 min · Issue #49
A 2021 Einzelgänger video on the backwards law, the idea that chasing something too hard tends to produce the opposite result.
Summary
A 2021 Einzelgänger video on the backwards law, the idea that chasing something too hard tends to produce the opposite result. The video argues that letting go of the effort is how to get what you want, and frames this paradox as a source of ongoing dissatisfaction. Chapters move from what we are trying to get, through a sense of lack, to how to have what we want.
Losses weigh far more than gains
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #49
The speaker cites a 2002 Nobel-winning theory that loss looms larger than gain
Summary
Fear of loss dominates human decisions, since losses weigh two to nine times more than equivalent gains.
Former FBI negotiator Christopher Voss says people's decisions are dominated by what they fear losing. He cites the prospect theory of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Tversky, which holds that losses weigh roughly two to nine times more than equivalent gains. In hostage negotiation, he looks for the loss a person has suffered, often a recent identity loss, to understand their behavior.
Key points- The speaker cites a 2002 Nobel-winning theory that loss looms larger than gain
- In hostage and crisis work, look for a recent personal loss driving behavior
- He calls loss the biggest single influence on decisions, though not the only one
An Antidote to Dissatisfaction
Watch · youtube.com · 10 min · Issue #48
A 2019 Kurzgesagt video arguing that gratitude counters dissatisfaction, the common feeling that one's success, relationships or possessions fall short.
Summary
A 2019 Kurzgesagt video arguing that gratitude counters dissatisfaction, the common feeling that one's success, relationships or possessions fall short. Gratitude is presented as one of the strongest predictors of how happy people are, and it is linked to making friends and coping with hardship. The description also promotes the creator's gratitude journal.
Oversupply lowers the value of connections
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #48
The speaker says more supply lowers value, so people stop valuing each relationship
Summary
Dating is an economics problem: when supply is huge, nobody values a relationship, and being pursued raises your value.
Mo Gawdat compares dating to a market where oversupply lowers how much people value each connection. He describes people spending months on dates with someone who does not share a basic goal, such as wanting children. He suggests spending time where people are actively interested in you, so they pursue you and your value rises.
Key points- The speaker says more supply lowers value, so people stop valuing each relationship
- Seven months of dating can pass before you learn someone does not want children
- Go where people want you, like a Shelby Cobra club, and your price goes up
Why You Can't Find Your Passion
Watch · youtube.com · 13 min · Issue #46
A 2021 video by Leon Hendrix arguing that people struggle to find their passion because they hold onto certain lies they have been told.
Summary
A 2021 video by Leon Hendrix arguing that people struggle to find their passion because they hold onto certain lies they have been told. He says years of trying different things, reading advice and introspection led him to this view.
Reframe self-talk to regain control
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #46
Test with the celebrity test: would a favorite celebrity's lunch invite make you find time?
Summary
Changing how you talk to yourself, like swapping 'I don't have time' for 'not a priority', returns control over your choices.
The speaker says small changes in self-talk, learned through therapy, podcasts and self-help books, have had a large effect. The main example replaces "I don't have time" with "I don't have the capacity right now to make it a priority." The speaker argues this moves the situation from lack of control to a choice the person owns, which makes clear what they actually want to do.
Key points- Test with the celebrity test: would a favorite celebrity's lunch invite make you find time?
- Saying 'not a priority' admits the choice and makes the situation fully yours
- Saying 'I don't have the capacity' replaces 'I don't have time' as an honest framing
The Asshole Test
Read · johnpublic.mataroa.blog · 1 min · Issue #45
A 2022 blog post describing a group exercise in IBM's graduate recruitment, where about eight candidates had 60 minutes to solve a puzzle together at a whiteboard.
Summary
A 2022 blog post describing a group exercise in IBM's graduate recruitment, where about eight candidates had 60 minutes to solve a puzzle together at a whiteboard. The author's group failed to finish, but the author advanced. Months later the author learned from the interviewer that the test mostly observes behavior under pressure: candidates who turn rude are cut, hence the name.
Choose a life partner, not just love
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #42
Ask whether you are looking for a love story or a life story
Summary
The people you love are not always the people you build a life with, so look for a life partner, not just a love story.
The speaker says you can love many people, but the person you build a life with is often different. The speaker asks whether you are looking for a love story or a life story, and says a life partner is someone you go through pain, suffering, and challenges with.
Key points- Ask whether you are looking for a love story or a life story
- A life partner is someone you go through pains, sufferings and challenges with
Why Your Life Feels Boring
Watch · youtube.com · Issue #40
Matt D'Avella's March 2022 video argues that life feels boring mainly because people do not take enough risks.
Summary
Matt D'Avella's March 2022 video argues that life feels boring mainly because people do not take enough risks. It holds that fulfillment, adventure, and purpose require getting comfortable being uncomfortable, with examples such as starting a YouTube channel, approaching someone you like, or moving to a dream city. It also covers choosing the right risks and handling uncertainty.
Feeling Old? You Give More
Read · psypost.org · 6 min · Issue #40
A PsyPost article on a Journal of Consumer Psychology study by Jen H.
Summary
A PsyPost article on a Journal of Consumer Psychology study by Jen H. Park and colleagues found that priming people to feel older increases their sense of responsibility to the greater good. Participants primed to feel older were more willing to support a guide-dog charity and park projects, and wrote more thank-you cards to university staff. The study focused on adults aged 18 to 60.
Ignore decoy options to avoid overpaying
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #37
A $6.50 medium makes the $7 large look only 50 cents more than the medium
Summary
Retailers use a decoy option to make the premium choice look like a better deal, and you can counter it by ignoring the decoy.
The speaker explains the decoy effect, a marketing trick that nudges buyers toward a pricier option. Using movie popcorn, a $3 small and a $7 large look different once a $6.50 medium is added, since the large now seems only 50 cents more. To counter it, the speaker suggests first asking how much you really need, then ignoring the decoy option.
Key points- A $6.50 medium makes the $7 large look only 50 cents more than the medium
- Ask how much of something you really need before choosing the bigger option
- Identify which option is the decoy and intentionally ignore it
Blaming the lawyer hides fear of deciding
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #36
People say the lawyer said no because they are afraid to make the decision
Summary
Blaming the lawyer hides fear of deciding, and a leader should own the risk decision openly and argue whether the reward outweighs it.
The speaker says people often blame a lawyer, as in "the lawyer said we can't do it," because they are afraid to decide and risk something going wrong. The better approach, the speaker argues, is to own the decision openly: state the risk, say whether the reward outweighs it, and take it if it does.
Key points- People say the lawyer said no because they are afraid to make the decision
- Better: the decision is mine, and the lawyers advised a risk I think is too great
- The speaker says the real discussion is whether the reward outweighs the risk
Comparison and phones can fuel unhappiness
Short · tiktok.com · Issue #34
The speaker says spending seven hours a day on social media fuels comparison
Summary
Unhappiness often comes from comparing yourself online, poor food, violent games and dopamine-driven phone habits, the speaker says.
The speaker lists possible reasons for unhappiness: hours of social media that encourage comparison, processed food, music and games full of stress, and a culture where connection rests on shared stress. Heavy dependence on the phone for quick dopamine, the speaker says, can make stillness feel too boring.
Key points- The speaker says spending seven hours a day on social media fuels comparison
- Processed food, looping music and violent games keep you in survival mode
- Dependence on instant gratification makes sitting still with no phone feel boring
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